“Life on life’s terms.”
I use to mock that quote, I hated hearing it. “I made my own decisions”. I’d never been more wrong! I thought recovery would be easy, “you just get clean”. Well that was the easy part. Staying that way was the tough part, it was a struggle. A daily struggle.. Changing everything I’d ever known! I didn’t think it was possible, but over time I learned it was.
Days turned into months an soon I had years. It became easy, relapse is a part of my story just like most everyone else’s. But I took it with stride an I didn’t run with it, I walked away. I know what I have and I know it’ll never be worth losing to that life.
I now have almost 3 yrs clean. October 7th is my clean date!
The 1st year it seemed I had more bad days than I had good but at the end of each of those days I was clean! A good friend once told me that Id finally leave it when I found something I loved greater than it, tho se words I cherish now because I know just how true they are, I love this life I have without it. I’m finally standing on my own, with no crutch needed.
I found my reason to keep going. I have two children who need me. A little girl who I knew then needed me then but I couldn’t walk away from the drugs. Pills were my downfall. I’d fell to that lifestyle when I was 14. I’m almost 29. My father was an addict so I wanted to fit into his life, and that’s how I did it. He became my best friend!
When he passed in 2011 my whole life spiraled out of control. Jails and institutions were where I spent my childhood and most of my twenties. A rough road for any child. But it taught me.. Oh how it taught me.. Do you want to know what it takes to change your life? Accepting what you can’t change, and changing everything you can.
To write your own ending to your very own story!
Almost 3 years later, and I’m still here, and proving every statistic wrong! To say I’m scared is an understatement but I’m better than I’ve ever been despite everything. I refuse to be another statistic that’s lost to addiction. I’ve lost more family and friends to that life then I can count.
My story is like everyone else’s and I’m not ashamed of it, I’m not proud, but not ashamed. I know where I’ve came from and I know that in order for me to get where Im going “you can only keep what you have, by giving it away” so here I stand, ready to give my all in order to help save someone else!
I’m thankful to be sober and for all that I’ve struggled through because I’m here today to help save someone else. I’m thankful that I can stand up and be the woman God intended me to be! He has a plan for me, and I’ll see it through!