5 years and 2 months sober as of 3/1/18. I would love to tell you that I am loving life all the time and all things are great, but the reality is that the stressors of the responsibilities of life do have a negative effect on me. I occasionally get into an emotional and spiritual funk where I do think about my drugs of choice.
I struggled through years in denial of my feelings on a daily basis, choosing to numb myself or give myself what I called an “attitude adjustment”. I smoked pot every day for 30 years with alcohol, and LSD being my other drugs of choice during my younger years where quantities varied depending on what was going on in my life. I suffered through 10 plus years of suicidal depression where I planned out how I was to end my life on three different occasions. Those 3 occasions were my “bottoms” and it is with reflection on those bottoms that give me the appreciation for the life that I have now. I also had support from 3 people who saw through my darkness and helped me get the help I needed; a detox program, 5 “meetings” a week for 3 years, and a type of unconditional love that we all need in situations of addiction.
Although I have addictive issues with certain substances, there are other things that I know I am addicted to as well that are less harmful but are still things that I am constantly working on such as the smart phone, the Dunkin Donuts experience, and “feeling bad” to name a few.
I am now an avid reader of “self-help” books that are about recovery and spiritual awareness and I have created a group and business that incorporates support through community, listening, drumming and story telling.