My name is Jesse (Jess), I am a 33 year old girl from a small town in Wisconsin.
As a child I suffered some abuse and as I got older I medicated with substances. I have always done something, from weed to cocaine to heroin. In high school is when most of my experimenting started and continued throughout my life.
I was always in control of my use until the day I got prescribed pail pills, Oxycodone. I fell in love with not having to feel any emotions. I was shown right away by a friends mother how to snort them, so I never really took them the right way to begin with. Eventually, they got to be too expensive and hard to get, so I was introduced to heroin. I said “just this once” and that is all it took.
From that day on I was snorting everyday. I had to support my habit somehow, so I took to selling, stealing, pawning, whatever means I could. Eventually that caught up to me and my house was raided by the police. I somehow did not go to jail that day, they let me go to a treatment facility. I went to the first one I could get into, which was a huge mistake. But when you don’t really know where to go for answers or suggestions, and a call to health and human services goes unanswered, you don’t have much choice. I thought I was ready to get clean, I was only fooling myself.
I had my dealer come to rehab and supply me with cocaine. I used in rehab and decided to leave so I wasn’t kicked out. After I left, I got hooked up with people I met there and was introduced to the needle. It was the best/worst thing I have ever done! I went on for months using an insane amount daily and eventually caught some more criminal charges, which lead to my 2 children getting taken away from me.
I remember the day of court, I shot up right before going into the court room. I remember how horrible I felt inside as they proved to the judge that I was a danger to my children, and an unfit mother. I remember dying inside that day, but I also remember having an awakening too.
The minute I walked out of that court room, I called a friend who I knew was clean and I asked him for help. He got me into a MAT program that day and I have been able to not use since. I did have a relapse with crack since then, but it was short lived, thank God and my support team, for making me get back on track again. I now have 10 months of recovery and working as a Recovery Specialist.
I get to help people who were lost like I once was and that motivates me everyday to stay on the path to recovery! I use my team everyday in one way or another, I go to Therapy, I am on Vivitrol, and I just started a Woman’s Peer Support Group.
Life can be beautiful if you work towards it! You do not have to be hopeless when you can be full of hope!