My Mother’s Death Planted The Mustard Seed of My Faith. Today, I Carry the Message of Hope.

My Mother’s Death Planted The Mustard Seed of My Faith. Today, I Carry the Message of Hope. - #VoicesProject

I am a very private person. However, I wanted to share my story in hopes of helping another “motherless child.”  My mother was addicted to drugs and as a result of her drug use she was murdered when I was 8 years old. Her body was found inside a warehouse. She’d been strangled. As a kid, finding out I had lost my mother—right then, my life was never the same.

I have lived with heartache and pain like no other. I went through a spell when I was angry at my mother. I questioned God. I asked, “Why my mother?” I wanted to know why she was on drugs. Who killed her? Why would they hurt my mom?

Growing up, I found out bits and pieces about my mother. Finding out she was a drug addict hurt me to the core. I remember being told I was dropped at my dad’s house because my mom knew she could not take care of me. As a parent, having to make a decision to give up your child—I know that had to break her heart. Even through her addiction, I thank God that she loved and cared enough about me to make sure I was safe and in a positive environment. Don’t get me wrong. I was still very angry because I didn’t understand why I could not see her. Soon after, she was gone. My life was shattered!

My young heart was broken, and I believed that no one understood the pain that I was going through. Any high point in my life—turning 16, graduation, turning 21, getting married, my first promotion at work—caused pain for me. Sometimes I would cry and cry. No one understood. After all these years, I am still grieving. I’m still angry that she was on drugs and living an unhealthy lifestyle. When I was very young, I made a promise that I would never do drugs. I know the end results. Drugs ruin families. Drugs lead to jail, homeless, hopelessness, heartache, and death. There is nothing positive about doing drugs.

I am a woman of faith and I believe anyone can change, as long as you have hope and faith. I just wish my mother wasn’t killed. Maybe she too would have had an opportunity to change. Whoever is reading my story, if you are suffering from addiction or you’ve lost a loved one to addiction, keep fighting and never give up. All you need is faith the size of a mustard seed.