The mind is a powerful thing and recovery is possible.
I can’t tell you how many times in my life I’ve been told that I can do anything that I put my mind to. It’s crazy to think that the one thing that could help me obtain anything is also the same thing that has kept me from living my life to its fullest.
In my case, my mind eventually became dangerous. For 10 plus years, it told me that I couldn’t function without meth or alcohol. What’s scary is it didn’t start that way. At first, meth was the solution to what I thought was my biggest problem in life. How awesome it was to find this substance that could help me lose weight faster than any workout or diet plan and allow me to eat anything I wanted. It also gave me this extra boost of confidence; I could talk to anyone and was more outgoing than ever before. I had what felt like endless energy.
Over time, the only thing that stayed constant with my meth use was that I stayed thin, everything else in my life fell apart. However, at the time I didn’t see it as a problem because at least I was skinny. As the years went on, my meth use increased and that’s when it truly started to take over my world. My tolerance went up – and I was beginning to need meth just to get out of bed. Instead of doing things to better my life, my days consisted of finding ways to get high. I drifted away from everyone I knew that didn’t use. I was kicked out of my home and started wandering the streets all night and sleeping on people’s couches, staying in random hotel rooms smoking my life away. There were times I thought about quitting, but the fear of putting on weight was enough to put that thought to an end quick. I was hopeless and I just couldn’t stop. I wanted recovery but I was too ashamed to ask for help.
My anxiety levels were unbearable, and I started to constantly have that feeling of wanting to crawl out of my own skin. Instead of stopping, I found that when I consumed alcohol it brought me back to what I felt was normal. I just needed another mind-altering substance to get me there. I came up with a system that helped me get through the days – using meth when I woke up, all throughout the day. And when I got too high, I would just take a few shots of alcohol and be good to go. This became my life and this is how my mind became my own personal prison. I wanted a way out!
I wanted to be free from my addiction but my mind told me there was no way in hell that could ever happen. I was stuck. And the years kept flying by. Any solution I came up with was shot down because my mind told me I couldn’t function without meth or alcohol, that I wasn’t worthy of recovery. My mind told me that I would gain weight if I stopped using meth.
Luckily for me, I reached a rock bottom and saw the destruction addiction was causing in my life. I finally asked for the one thing I had never asked for – help. I wanted more for my life; I didn’t want to be controlled any longer. That mindset and the willingness to stop was just the push I needed to turn my life around. And I’ll be forever grateful that help was accessible when I needed it the most. It saved my life.
Once I detoxed and rid my body of the poison I had been contaminating it with for years, my mind had a chance to breath and process life without any mind-altering substances. I am here to tell you I have not needed a mind-altering substance for 327 days, just shy of 1 year. I’m finally free, living a life as a woman in sustained recovery from addiction. As corny as it sounds, I truly believe that I have the world at my fingertips. I feel amazing, a genuine kind of amazing. It’s pure, and not in any way the same as I felt when I was drunk or high. I not only feel better – but I also look better than I ever have because today I make the effort to live my life in a healthy way. It’s more rewarding and I’m proud of myself. So, as I was saying the mind is a powerful thing. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told in my life that I can do anything that I put my mind to. It just requires action, perseverance, and facing your fears! Recovery is a beautiful journey and I remind myself of that every day.