My name is Britt and I am a grateful addict in recovery.
I am 41 years old and my clean date is 7/14/16. I used for 20 years solid. What I can tell everyone is that not only have I not felt this free in those 20 years but I have never felt this free in all of my life.
From birth I have struggled with my identity which lays out my entire story. Struggle for self. I used to identify as transgender. What that means to me is my mind struggled to battle my heart, and body. What I have come to find is that drugs gave me this delusional escape. I felt a false sense of courage, a false sense of self and a false sense of happiness.
After battling with who I was and using to escape I finally surrendered 14 months ago. What I can tell you today is not only do I not have to use no matter what, I can live free.
I now identify myself as Britt. My shoes, my car, my house, my body…. NONE of that shows my worth or my identity, those do NOT define me. Who I am is a human being, a recovering addict, no worse and no better than the next. I have began to accept not only who I am but what I am.
I used to blame others for putting me in this box. What I have found is that I put myself in that box. Love is an inside job and though I fall short often, I am learning is that walking through that pain and hardship is my pathway to peace. Surrender and Acceptance are my keys.
Today I show up, for myself my family and others. I try to not live in a fantasy, in turn I accept reality. I can’t tell anyone why I am the way I am or what my exact purpose is. What I can tell you is that there is something greater than myself and that something wants me to succeed, love myself , and carry a message of recovery and prosper through pain. The disease will tell me I am no good and I’ll never be “a man”. Well I got news for that voice. I don’t have to be a man. I can just be me and that’s OK today.
I want people to understand we don’t have to use any form of mind altering substance to live free. Freedom is already within us. How free do you want to be? The gift is already here, it is already alive and waiting. Many people say the disease sits and waits. So does that freedom. Which one do you choose to feed today?
We do recover. I am living proof. Recovery offers one thing and one thing only. Freedom from active addiction. But with that freedom comes MANY gifts. My best gifts are looking in the mirror with some level of acceptance and sharing that promise with others. If you are suffering please reach out. We cannot do this alone. This addict needs a program and to put in daily action in order to recover.
Much love and TY to all those that show me how to live without the use of drugs. People say everyone is dying……well there are also millions of us in recovery. Don’t let that disease win that battle. Life is yours if you want it. LET’S GET IT TOGETHER.
“There is no nightfall that a sunrise cannot defeat” – unknown