I am 37 years old and am a drug addict. You see once you have the stigma attached it stays with you. I am also a survivor of sex trafficking as a child and an adult; in society this title is not recognized instead I am the junkie who you said should have not made it, one point in time I would have stood right beside you petitioning the higher power and saying they are so right so what is the point.
I aged out of the system got married and ended up running into a situation that was unhealthy and I was lost. Prior to using my prince charming ideas consisted of no communication language barrier I did awesome at avoiding allowing him to see how broken I was I know that I loved him because he gave me a family. All I ever wanted was to fit in or just feel like something or someone that could be loved.
I then became a victim of lust; the grass is greener on the other side but my husband was cheating and I was in love with a clown… literally welcome to the carnival life I became confident that my Prince Charming was your nice friendly dunk tank clown, 8 months pregnant second child and life was lonely no family and a cheating husband who was really disrespectful and had hard hands and me a big mouth, became an issue. I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl shortly after returning home but with all of the levels that were occurring with the stress of mental illness issues that completely went out of control. Who wants to be known as the person the world did not want this is how I thought of myself.
I moved from Western Pennsylvania to Maryland in hopes of going to the military and never having to look back, I was destined for something greater, so let me continue with my journey. My daughters were my heart and well I saw old patterns of my childhood the new beginning was starting to be a repetition towards what led me to this juncture in life.
I became really sick and had an infection after Kira was born so my sister in law kept her for me as a result shortly after the husband and I began falling apart I was an easy victim I had no clue already having the hope that someone would just hug me and tell me it would be okay, I met a “manager” this is a smart way of calling someone your pimp. I then started dancing and well I was severely abused as a child and did not feel comfortable selling myself. I said no to my manager was removed from the house took out to have a “meeting and this is when I got introduced to the escape idea.” You ever disrespect me like that again you will feel numb, take this…” I had no idea it was cocaine at the time but with my mental illnesses for the first time in my life I could see things clearly and had a plan. That damn plan went wrong really quick.
Luckily I was removed from management courtesy of the little corner titty bar where I quickly became a favorite nothing says pathetic like an innocent looking girl naive hope in her eyes sucking on her thumb writing poems of such sorrow in the corner yet just trying to figure out how to not leave behind my girls and not fail them, I became lost and thought that the married man that I met was my answer out from my husband I fell in love this ruined me no lie. I trusted wholeheartedly and felt like being a mistress was my destiny but I looked at my previous record and was like maybe it is better off to just share time when allotted. So I became intent on this being okay I was not using anything but when I say naive I was around so many drugs and was exposed not experimenting literally thought pcp was compound w when I found out my expression was flabbergasted who the hell wants to smoke that then I heard their stories and I wanted to be carefree like them but I was not willing to expose myself to everything at first.
Welcome to the beginning stages of hell, you think you have friends who know you they have your back with a knife in their hand. I was always the one willing to work as hard as I could to provide a means and never had friends so my drug buddies who were dancers LOVED me. I used to be the one willing to take one for the team literally after all it is easy close your eyes and picture yourself on an island, Soul eater each time I went to be with my friends the more destroyed my life became, up until the point where I was pregnant with my son and told all my druggie friends I no longer wanted that lifestyle. that was not something they wanted to hear after all misery loves company by this time I was broken or so I thought. It got worse before it got better but I will not glorify on this instead let you know what I have done since finding my Recovery.
We found a team we started a site to share the wonderful legacies of the heroic things across America that people just like us are doing to make a change, my part so far has taken me to levels such as meeting in the Hart Building Marching in Rallies including the most recent November 5th March in D.C where I declared my story officially public but in front of the world and announced the factor that we need to take action and not by just saying no. I was here in DC for the Fed Up rally along with amazing people like Karen Veid on behalf of the HALO foundation, mothers who fight because their children have became statistics. The FOREEL artists, the amazing cleanmotives “f heroin foundation leaders. All of these amazing people have led me towards taking my writing to the next level.