My name is Kari Fox. I have been in recovery since 01/26/2015.
My active addiction did not start until I was 31 years old. However, I have had alcoholic thinking since I was at least 10 years old. I call it a recipe for disaster. I was pregnant after doing invitro-fertilization. We previously had 4 miscarriages over 7 years. I had terrible migraines as was prescribed hydrocodone during my pregnancy. I found out my husband at the time had been having an affair. We went to counseling and awaited our arrival of our daughter.
However, I ended up with post partum depression. The antipsychotics prescribed did not help. I had a migraine one day, took a hydrocodone and my anxiety was gone and I could function. I continued to take hydrocodone a few times a day. However my addiction soon progressed. When I spiraled out of control, I went down hard and fast. We all have so many near death experiences so I won’t bore you with all of them. The major one was an overdose on muscle relaxers. The problem was I passed out outside in February 2014. It was -22 outside. My ex husband found me. My jaw was frozen shut. I was intubated through my nose and my body temperature was 78 degrees. I was expected to die.
I woke up on a ventilator a few days later. My first thought was oh no, what did I do now. But, my second thought after looking at my hands was, “sweet, I get dilaudid now.” This just shows how truly sick our brains are. I ended up losing half of 2 fingers from frost bite, could barely walk and had blisters 1/2 inch high and full length of each finger. After 1 outpatient and 3 inpatient treatments, 3 psych center visits and multiple car wrecks, broke bones and surgeries I still continued to use for another year.
At the end of my active addiction, I was drinking 2 pints of vodka a day and praying for God to kill me. I did not have the balls to do it myself. My prayers were answered and I literally woke up on January 26th 2015 and said I was done. My obsession and cravings were literally gone. I had no family left, no friends and was not allowed to see my kids. I started working a program of recovery. I got a job as a sales woman. I was an RN, however my license was indefinitely suspended. I started fighting for 50/50 custody and continued on with my divorce. I use to get so annoyed in meetings during my active addiction when the old timers would talk about the promises and how great their lives are now. I would think to myself, “you don’t know what I have been through, you probably aren’t even an alcoholic or addict.”
However, the promises started coming true. Now, I am that annoying person in the meetings talking about how blessed my life is. Now don’t get me wrong, sobriety is not all rainbows and unicorns. I have gone through the most stressful and toughest situations in my sobriety, but I didn’t have to use over any of them. I had a spiritual awaking about 1 year and 3 months sober.
I finally forgave my ex husband for the affair he had 10 years prior. But, more importantly I forgave myself for what I had done in my addiction. My ex husband and I are great friends now and co parent like rock stars. We have our daughters birthdays together with our significant others and we do what is best for our girls. We support each other and respect each other. I am truly grateful for my addiction. I have learned so much about myself and have become the woman I can love and respect. My RN license was reinstated this last October. I speak at our local treatment facility once a month. I have found my passion and love for horses again and now have 5. I am looking at purchasing a home with land for all the new fur babies and my daughters, I am continuing to grow in my recovery and always learning.
My sober life got in the way of my recovery at one point. I could feel myself becoming irritable ad knit picking at others. I hadn’t been to a meeting in a month or so. I went to a meeting and bam, it was like my brain was reset. Now, I am even more active in AA. I go to at least 3 to 4 meetings a week and do service work. Helping another alcoholic helps my recovery tremendously just by sharing my experience, strength and hope. So, all in all my addiction is the best thing that has ever happened to me. it has shaped me into a more caring less selfish and more loving person. I am very open and honest about my past.
I think the key to sobriety is being willing to surrender to your higher power. Once that is done then continue to live each day to it’s fullest sober. Find your passion in life. I love music, horses and photography. I was able to check off my top 3 bucket list items this year because of my sobriety. #1 was seeing Metallica live. When I walked into that stadium, I lost it and just broke down and wept. I wept tears of happiness that I now get to do these amazing dreams and live my life to the fullest. Then next month I went skydiving. Again, in awe of the amazing free feeling.
The following month I purchased my first horse. She was abused and had a terrible life. She is full of spunk and spirit and I look at it as we rescued each other and have a special bond due to our pasts. I have also walked through very tough times. I lost my father in October due to alcoholism. I watched him go through horrible DT’s and the things he saw ad heard are pure evil. He the developed pneumonia. My brother, his wife and my Dad’s girlfriend were with him as he passed. I was at a meeting 45 minutes after he died. I googled the nearest one showed up 30 minutes late and bawling. The realized it was an all male meeting. But, that’s what I love about AA. We are family and they did not turn me away. They changed the meeting so I could have the love and support that I needed. The chair gave me a guardian angel coin ad I still wear it today. The important part is I did not have to drink to get through my pain. I was able to feel my feelings and ultimately process them. That’s what sobriety gives us. The ability to feel all the good, bad, hurtful, happy, sad feelings and grow from them.
I am truly a grateful alcoholic living on moment at a time.